Sunday, October 14, 2007

Revised beats so far...

I added some text below, let me know if you think there should be any changes...






2 comments:

Angeline said...

'The emperor heard their pleas and grew concerned to hear his subjects so downtrodden'.

How about 'The emperor, hearing their pleas, grew concerned about his downtrodden subjects.' Or something so that we don't have the word 'hear' twice.

Stacey Chomiak said...

Hmm... good idea... I didn't catch that. [My brain feels slightly fried!]

I will change it, thanks Angie!